Well, Adams has laid out the rules, so I suppose it falls on me to set some context for our little endeavor. So, I’ll just put on my writing music (Snoop Dogg’s masterful 1993 compilation Doggystyle), pour a drink (Merlot. Classic.) and get a little bit weird, shall I? Friends, we live in difficult times. Race based violence in Missouri has revealed seismic cracks in our nation’s political landscape. Beloved icons and Universities alike are revealing the seedy underbelly of a culture that treats rape as no big deal and a woman’s body as subservient to the will of men. The amazing human achievement of landing an unmanned spacecraft on an astroid the size of central park was completely obliterated by a picture of Kim Kardashian’s ass. It’s grim out there.
Where do we turn in these difficult moments? Simple. Where I’ve always turned when the world became too much to handle: to the safe, comfortable embrace of the lego man, and his ever smiling monolithic happy face.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me, lego man; thy hammer and thy little flower pot, they comfort me.
So, come escape with me (and that Jen Adams character, whoever she is) on a magical jaunt where gallant knights rescue damsels in distress, kings feast with peasants at the common table, and everyone has a wonderful time.
Just kidding. We all know this is going to Game of Thrones levels of blood and boobs by Advent box #2. Or box one if they give us a Mace.
Since we’ve last written this blog, the Lego Movie has taken the world (appropriately) by storm. However, it serves to render this absurd undertaking somehow even more depressing in it’s own way: where as previously Jen was creating a narrative based on the random gifts of the lego advent calendar, now we’ve been reduced to basically writing fan-fic about what happens in the Knights Kingdom scene after Emmet et al. travel through for a few moments. Now, I do want to say that I’m not against fan-fic as a concept – I’m totally shipping Wyldstyle and Unikitty right now – but I want the world to know that Adams got here first.
Can we also take a moment to acknowledge that Chris Pratt, star of the Lego Movie, was fucking robbed for sexiest man of the year? Hang in there, dude – history will judge that correctly judge this travesty for what it was.
So, in short: I am honored to be participating in this delightful isolationist Fan-Fiction travesty, and look forward to you all getting it together to make Jen’s and my little capitalist piggy hearts squeal with delight when Christmas sees us unwrapping a brand new Death Star (with 14 different Minifigs!). Thank you for reading.