Prolegomena: ProLEGOmania

Lego advent calendar, light of my life, fire of my loins.

Guys. Girls. Nongenderidentifying people. Hedwig. Whatever Jamie Lee Curtis is. IT’S MOTHERFUCKING LEGO ADVENT CALENDAR TIME.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about and found your way here because you’re looking for instructions on resuscitating loved ones following an electric shock and I have just inadvertently SEO optimized the site to come up first in Google searches, then sit back. You’re in for a treat.

Because severing the tiny hangnail that still binds one to reality in order to write a daily Lego blog takes a shocking amount of time and sanity, I’ll be partnering with the Rolls Royce mind that is Alan Smith once again to keep this thing running off the rails. You may remember last year’s parallel Lego Pirate Advent Calendar until he was felled by food poisoning; luckily when getting him to agree to this year, I buried what my attorneys call an “In Shitpuking and In Health” clause in the contract. I feel sorry for all of you that don’t have an Alan to not only humor your strange thoughts and experiments, but help you shoulder the load. Also, he has like three family members so our readership essentially has doubled.

(Ma Adams if you’re reading this, manifesto me. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll store this as ammo for an Argument to Be Named Later. )

 

Photo to break up the text. This is one of my best friends, Adam. He doesn't read my blogs.
Photo to break up the text. This is one of my best friends, Adam. He doesn’t read my blogs.

 

This year we’ll be doing this Exquisite Corpse style, which means that we’ll take turns passing the story back and forth, incorporating that day box. Improv rules apply, so whatever has been written must remain true for future posts, and whatever we find in each Day Box MUST be used. We’ll post about four times a week, with two goals in mind:

  1. Get the Evil Lego Corp to send us free Legos/issue a Cease and Desist
  2. Get some sort of Lego de Medici to buy us the Lego Star Wars Death Star

We both bought the same advent calendar this year and have decided to leave Lego Star Wars, Lego Pirates, and the burned, pillaged remains of Lego Fergu….City behind, ,moving on to….LEGO KINGDOMS.

What kind of sick fuck reads the alt text?
Don’t go expecting captions for all of the photos. It’s a pain in the ass.

 

 

I’m so excited I’m like a kidult on Legomas. What’s on your shopping list? Holiday presents for loved ones? Mine is honey mustard and BLOOD.

In case you want to read last year’s blog so you can—actually, I can’t fathom why you would do this—anyways, you can’t. I switched hosts and it involved a night of cursing so violent that I made a note that just says “Sketch idea: Scottish Tarantino Tourette’s” on my phone. But I assure you, it was the best Lego Advent Calendar Blog you’ve ever read.

Actually, the two years previous to that’s worth of blogs are still available here and here. They make for great “Hour Twelve of Childbirth” or “Recently Diagnosed with Locked-in Syndrome” reading.

4,361 comments on “Prolegomena: ProLEGOmania

  1. And I solemnly swear to never take an ugly photo of you and make it into a deck of cards for the amusement of dozens of others.

    (uncrosses fingers behind back)

  2. Why is Adam exempt from reading this blog? Is it his reward for the punishment of traveling with you?
    I like honey mustard, too, it is my favorite. I will pass on the blood.
    Thank you for mentioning me in your blog, though it was vaguely threatening…something. I feel my manifesto-like posts are better EDITED than some writing I see on many sites. Including this one!
    That being said, I must say that the LEGO blog is something I look forward to reading each season. A vivid imagination is a wonderful gift of yours. I hope your grasp of language is as strong.
    After all, it will be months until I see Game Of Thrones again. I crave entertainment, and this blog must fill the void. Entertain me, Lego Advent Calendar bloggers! I double dog dare you.

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